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May 15, 2018

Family On Mission

The Josiah Venture team was small enough to sit in a circle in my living room when I first shared a vision that was close to my heart. God had called us to believe him for a spiritual movement among the youth of Central and Eastern Europe. But I was also convinced that our own children were to be blessed by the obedience of their parents.

I grew up as part of a missionary family and had many “uncles” and “aunts” who were not related to me by blood, but by calling. Even as a child I felt I belonged to this tribe of godly people who had sacrificially joined together around a common mission.

That community shaped me in such profound ways that I wanted JV to carry this heritage to another generation. We began talking about “family on mission.” If God called parents to a mission, their children were certainly not an afterthought. Their kids would be healthier if raised in the context of a vision and call, and their influence in the schools and community could be as significant as that of their parents.

Over 20 years later, we have 108 Josiah Venture kids, children of missionaries serving in a second culture. Every day they attend national schools in a second language, in challenging contexts with few other believers. We surround them with support, teaching them how to be on mission with their family, creating special events for them, and assigning staff to build into them in disciple-making ways. Recently, we did a number of personal interviews to find out how they are doing. Here are a few things they said:

“I feel special because I am involved in ministry with my parents, not just a kid stuck here. This is super unique and really cool. It is good to know the purpose and mission of why I am here.”

“There is something about getting to work alongside my dad that is great, like we’re kind of co-laborers.”

“[Because I am part of my parents’ ministry] I learned that I am key to JV and to God’s Kingdom. I have purpose and can be a part of what God is doing…”

It is especially meaningful to me that God has already called 8 of our JV kids who are now adults back to the JV team to serve as missionaries on their own.

Now I am praying that they, too, will be family on mission.

Dave Patty, President, Josiah Venture

Dave Patty President

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Discipleship, Missionary Kids

Supporting Young TCKs in Transition

Transitions are often some of the most vulnerable times in our lives. This is especially true for young kids, who developmentally can’t yet imagine the future and what it could potentially look like. Change comes rushing in like a summer storm, having the potential of bringing with it either nourishment or chaos. How can we support young kids during transitions so that they are nourished by the rain, rather than left soaked and chilled? Tips and Resources collected by Claire Patty, Sarah Robertson, and Trisha Wynn. Focus: Ages 2-6  1) Support Healthy Attachment Focus on helping your kids feel “Safe, Seen, Soothed, Secure” – I recommend reading “The Power of Showing Up” by Siegel and Bryson – see “refrigerator sheet” about these four S’s here Incorporate more nurture into each day with your kids – hugs, closeness, snuggles, holding them, etc. Due to the regressive tendencies of kids in transition, they may at times need more “babying” during this time, and that is ok. The extra nurture will promote healthy coping and confidence. Give them a bracelet, draw a heart/smiley on their hand, etc., and tell them that it is a reminder that you are thinking of them and missing them as you’re both going about your day. Incorporate regular read-aloud time as a whole family (kids don’t have to be still for this either- they can paint, play with legos, do a puzzle, or draw while you read) 2) Create Stability/Structure with Playfulness Find routines that you can keep no matter what (a favorite stuffed animal goes with you in the car everywhere, you always have the same bedtime routine, etc.) Find ways to incorporate play into your daily routine – play is the way kids process their experiences and emotions, and also how they release stress. Get active, be silly, laugh, dance to music, play make-believe, etc. If you’d like to take this one step further, contact Claire to learn about non-directive play therapy. You can read about it here. Focus on the BIG play – running, wrestling with dad, sliding down the stairs on mattresses or pillows, big yoga balls, anything outside, trampoline, etc. – this is a way to get out not only energy but emotions too. 3) Talk About Expectations Give them real pictures of what the future could look like. One way you can do this is through “doll/stuffed animal role play”. With the help of stuffed animals, act out a future situation that your child is anxious about, e.g. the first day of a new school. Start by naming the stuffed animal after your child – they’ll think this is silly! Walk through the event moment by moment and include details that will definitely happen (e.g.”Hannah” walks into the coat room, takes off her shoes, hugs mommy, and walks into her classroom”). Make it realistic, but also fun and playful. End the story with the reunion of the child with her mommy or daddy. Try keeping a family calendar. A wall calendar is best—something that the kids can see on the wall, even if they can’t read it yet. Talk through it once a week or every day, so that kids know how many days it’s going to be until something happens. If you’d like to, you can also put stickers on this calendar or draw pictures that represent different things, e.g. a sticker for “visitors”, a sticker for “travel”, a sticker for “going to the park”. 4) Practice Empathy and Forgiveness Look into your child’s eyes and notice their body language for clues to what emotions they could be experiencing. After you’ve noticed what your child might be feeling, put the feeling word into a short response, generally beginning with “you,” (“you seem sad,” or “you’re really mad at me right now”). This empathy, along with a soft tone of voice, will help them feel seen and often calms their minds, so that you can then talk together about what’s going on under the surface. When our kids come home from preschool or any time that we as parents were not with them, it can help to consider what they experienced when they were away from us. Did they feel out of control? Were others unkind to them? Were they told “no” most of the time? Did they not understand the language spoken throughout the day? Did they miss us and now need our attention? Sometimes their emotions, impulsive behavior, or disobedience can be influenced by what happened during their day. Considering this can help us respond with compassion and gentleness. Make it a common practice to say “I’m sorry” and ask for forgiveness from your kids,  especially during a time of transition. Acknowledge the “yuck” with them, especially if we, as parents, are creating the source of yuck due to our own stress. Give them 30-second bursts of your undivided attention. If you are on a call, say, “Can you hang on for 30 seconds? I’ll be right back.” Put the phone aside, bend down, and give your child undivided, focused attention for 30 seconds; then say, “I have to finish talking to ______.” Stand back up and continue talking with your friend. (Resources from Sue C. Bratton, Garry L. Landreth, Theresa Kellam, and Sandra R. Blackard.) 5) Process Emotions and Experiences Together One way to process emotions is to have a family tradition at the dinner table to share “highs and lows” of the day. A song would help younger kids! See here for a great song to sing for processing the highs and lows of the day. Have a story time each day – at dinner or bedtime, ask questions such as: what did you do today that was new? What was stressful? What was funny? What are you thankful for today? How did you feel when that happened? Who was kind to you today? Etc. Talk about emotions each day – you can use emotions charts like these ones: – boys’ emotions chart or girls’ emotions chart. (Laminate it, and you can use the same one over and over again.) 6) Give Your Kids Opportunities to Develop Agency  Agency is the ability for kids to make choices and decisions that influence their surroundings and events. It is the ability to act and see the influence of those choices on the world around them—the capacity to act. TCKs spend a lot of their lives adapting to what is happening to them. This can become a strength, but it can also cause them to feel like victims of their circumstances. Whenever it’s wise and safe, give your kids a choice—this promotes their sense of self, their confidence, and, ultimately, their agency and resilience. Below are two examples of how you can encourage agency. In both examples, the word “choose” is important for the kids to hear:  Giving a choice to obey or to experience consequences – you can choose to clean up your toys now (obedience) or you can choose to have these toys taken away for the day (consequence). Another example: Sam, I see you’re sad that we have to leave the park. Staying at the park longer isn’t one of the choices right now. You can choose to go down the slide one last time at the park before we leave (or any other option you feel comfortable with, e.g. you can choose to walk to the car, etc.) or you can choose for me to carry you to the car. Which do you choose?” (Pause—Sam says nothing.) “If you choose not to choose, you’re choosing for me to choose for you.” (Pause. Sam is quiet.) “I can tell that was a hard decision—I see you’ve chosen for me to choose for you.” (Example adapted from Sue C. Bratton, Garry L. Landreth, Theresa Kellam, and Sandra R. Blackard.) Giving choice for what to participate in – “You can choose—Daddy is going to the store, and I am going to stay home and talk with our new friend Sara. Would you like to go with Daddy or stay home with me?”, or “We can go to the playground and play with some new friends from church or we can go to the playground and you don’t need to talk to anyone new. What would you like to choose?” 7) Take Care of Yourself and Pray! Probably the biggest influencing factor on kids’ stress levels is their parents’ stress levels. Transition is a big deal. Be gentle with yourself! Take prayer walks to refresh your soul, make time for extra sleep, get some alone time here and there, eat meals with lots of fruits, vegetables, and proteins, and take a generally slower pace for the early days or months of transition. If you are calm and relaxed, that will make a big difference for your little kids. Bring your own worries and fears to the Lord in prayer, and invite your kids to join you in honesty before God. You can even pray something like this, “Father, I get scared sometimes too about all the things that are new right now. I thank you that you see us, and you are close.” Extra tips from Trisha Wynn: From my experience, Mondays (or any day back to routine after a conference or retreat or weekend) were extra hard on the kids. Our kids would have their biggest rebellions and total meltdowns going into their preschool on Mondays, right after we had been away from home, or when we had been out of our routine. It was helpful when I finally realized that it took them a few days (not just an afternoon or one day) to “recover” from a retreat or even a vacation. Also, after a home assignment or a conference, there would be sleep regression or potty training regression. You have to give them and yourself a boatload of grace and remember that it will get better!! I was taking my kids to cafes before they could walk, and it’s still a thing for us. It’s one-on-one time, and it’s a place where they are guaranteed a “special” treat. We found the one place in town that had “American” donuts, cake pops, fancy hot chocolate, or even a Coke because we rarely have that at home. So maybe putting a name to that special time makes it stand out for the kids too. We called it “Dude and Dad time” for years when my husband would take our son out. Nowadays I say, “Let’s go on a date!” That equals a special food treat and playing cards at a coffee shop with me. That helps us stay connected and close, in the middle of whatever is going on. Some kids’ books that might be helpful: TCKs: “Swirly” by Sara Saunders “I Know Here” and “From There to Here” by Laurel Croza “A Fish Out of Water” by Hannah Flatman Emotions: “The Color Monster” by Anna Llenas “The Rabbit Listened” by Cori Doerrfeld “Ruby’s Worry” by Percival Rom “My Monster and Me” by Nadiya Hussain Supporting TCKs during the transition of Home Assignment: “Five Ways to Care for Missionary Kids on Home Assignment” by Claire Patty
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Missionary Kids

Third Culture Kids in Europe

Do you know what a Third Culture Kid (TCK) is? Episode 10 of the “Josiah Venture Stories” podcast with Claire Patty is ready for you to listen to. She grew up in the Czech Republic with her family as a TCK. From a young age, she was impacted by being raised in a cross-cultural setting and seeing the gospel transform lives.⁠ After graduating from Czech national school, she moved to Chicago to begin her studies in Children’s Ministry at Moody Bible Institute. During her years at Moody, God placed a passion in her heart for TCKs. Claire now serves on the Josiah Venture International team as the Josiah Venture Kids (JVK) Director.⁠ [IMAGE: https://www.josiahventure.com/assets/upload/userphotos/banners/TCK-in-Europe_in-text1.jpg] In this episode, you will hear all about her experience as a JVK/TCK. She will also be sharing with us what it means to be a TCK, some of the common phrases that she hears JVK say, and some amazing resources. You can listen to the full podcast episode below, or by clicking this link. Below we’ve also included written excerpts from the podcast, along with a list of some of Claire’s favorite TCK resources that she mentions in the podcast. “So, Claire, how would you define a Third Culture Kid?” A TCK is someone who has spent a significant part of their developmental years outside of their parents’ culture. The term “Third Culture Kid” was first coined in the 1950s by Ruth Useem, but Van Reken and Pollock really established the term in their book “Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds.” In this book, they said that “the TCK builds relationships to all of the cultures without having full ownership of any.” No matter how many cultures you grow up in, you’re still a third culture kid, not a “fourth”, “fifth” or “sixth” culture kid. TCKs take pieces from all of the cultures they grow up in. Because they are still in their developmental years, these cultures shape who they become—how they think, what they believe, and what they value. The challenge is that they don’t feel they truly belong in any of these cultures. The blessing is that they get to have cross-cultural experiences that form who they are. Another helpful category to think about when understanding TCKs is to compare their experiences to those of “Cross Cultural Kids” (CCKs). A CCK is someone who grows up influenced by two or more cultural environments. For example, a CCK could be a child who grows up in a bilingual home and visits grandparents in another country every year, or someone who immigrates with their family due to economic or political reasons. [IMAGE: https://www.josiahventure.com/assets/upload/userphotos/banners/TCK-in-Europe_in-text3.jpg] “Is there a difference between Third Culture Kids (TCKs) and Cross-Cultural Kids (CCKs)?” One of the things that distinguishes TCKs from CCKs is something called an “expectation of repatriation.” This means that a TCK expects that one day, for one reason or another, they will probably move back to their passport culture. A CCK’s experience of “home,” belonging, language acquisition, and grief and loss may still be deeply impacted by their cross-cultural life;  yet, they will experience these cultures differently than the TCK who often maintains one foot in one world and one in another. The TCK typically expects to move one day and return to their passport country. This move sometimes happens by choice, but often happens due to a change in their parents’ jobs. A TCK’s whole life can be upended by this job change. Another difference between TCKs and CCKs is that TCKs have affiliation and/or loyalty to an organization or subculture, such as the military, government, missions organization, or business. These subcultures add to the identity formation of the TCK, both in positive and negative ways. For me personally, I remember the day that I packed up all of my suitcases and was ready to leave for college. I remember praying and saying goodbye to the Czech lands. It felt like losing my home. I was being sent into a new season and I needed to be open handed about what would come after that, no matter what country it would bring me to. All I knew was the next step of moving to the United States. “How important is identity to a TCK? Can you talk about that a little bit?” Identity and belonging are two of the biggest struggles for TCKs. Knowing who they are as TCKs helps them realize that their experiences aren’t isolating, and they’re not alone. However, knowing their TCK identity is only one sliver of who they are. We talk with our JV Kids about belonging to God’s family and God’s greater story, and the eternal home we have with Christ. They find comfort in this from a young age. It’s a very tangible truth for them. It matters to them, because they are missing that feeling of acceptance and belonging in the world, so they find that uniquely in God’s Kingdom. “Do you have a hard time saying goodbye as a TCK?” Yep… it’s one of the vulnerable spots in my heart. I feel the pang every time someone leaves or I leave. There is sadness and grieving on both sides. Grief, loss, and goodbyes are all very intertwined with the TCK story. [IMAGE: https://www.josiahventure.com/assets/upload/userphotos/banners/TCK-in-Europe_in-text5.jpg] “What was friendship like for you as a TCK?” Friendships are very connected with loss and grief for TCKs. They say many hellos and goodbyes throughout their childhood. There were quite a few JV Kids who came and went, and that was hard. Friendships for Czechs tend to be more stable. Once you are friends with a Czech, you are typically friends for life. A lot of my classmates had two or three close friends, and that was it. I came into my school as a second grader, and most of my classmates had already known each other since kindergarten. Their friendships were already established, and there wasn’t space for me. I went through my whole elementary school and middle-school years changing friends every year, which was unusual because it wasn’t true for the others in my class. Someone would be friends with me for one year, but then not care about our friendship the next year, since they had other friends. That was tough. Stable friendships are like anchors for TCKs. A lot of JV Kids say their friendships with other JV Kids feel different, because they don’t have to explain themselves and they can instantly connect. When I went to college in the States, I was surprised to find that there were so many people I had commonalities with. Some of them weren’t TCKs, didn’t have cross-cultural experiences, or hadn’t been out of the country, but there were other connection points that were valuable. That is important for us TCKs to realize—that even with our unique backgrounds, there are connection points with people, especially in the body of Christ. Even practically, I had a friend in college who had moved often, so she understood what it was like to say goodbyes. I had another friend who grew up in a small town, so she spent her childhood exploring forests, just like me. My encouragement to adult TCKs would be to seek out connections with people who may look like they are different from you. You may be surprised that you have more in common than you think. [IMAGE: https://www.josiahventure.com/assets/upload/userphotos/banners/TCK-in-Europe_in-text6.jpg] “What are some stereotypes that people have of TCKs?” One of the stereotypes is that they are rootless and that they float between worlds and communities, not building close ties with anyone. There is also the stereotype of TCKs building relationships far too quickly, going deep way too fast. There is a group of TCKs who goes straight to the deep things when they first meet you. They may recognize that they don’t have a lot of time for building relationships, so they will try to build them as fast as possible in order to have at least some relationships. So, there are those two sides to things. Stereotypes for MKs are a whole other category. They often get stereotyped as being socially awkward. From our experiences with JV Kids, we have actually seen that they are very socially competent, remarkably so. “What are common phrases you hear JV Kids saying?” Most of the JV Kids go to national schools, so one of the most common phrases we hear them say is this: “Yes, [national] school is so hard, but it’s so worth it.” Most of the JV Kids today would say that school is the hardest thing in life for them. The system does prepare us well academically in most areas, but the emotional challenges of national school can be intense. Personally, I don’t know how I would have even gotten through national school without a native speaker’s help. I had a tutor for Czech school from second grade until I graduated from high-school. In the midst of this stress, the JV Kids often see their experiences in national school as “worth it.” They see school as an opportunity to build local friendships and develop a sense of deeper belonging in their country. They also see the spiritual aspect of this and value how they learned to depend on God through their challenging schooling experience. Still, it’s pretty challenging for them! [IMAGE: https://www.josiahventure.com/assets/upload/userphotos/banners/TCK-in-Europe_in-text4.jpg] “What book recommendations would you give to parents or kids … or anyone interested in TCKs?” If you are interested in resources about TCKs, thank you! They are a culture of their own. It means a lot to us when you take the time to try to understand how we process the world, because this can even be confusing to us! If you pull out one of these books or resources below, feel free to show them to TCKs, because it will mean a lot to them that you care. Here are some of my favorite resources: “Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds” by David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken Instagram accounts – search for Third Culture Kids, for example, @tckglobal “Raising Up a Generation of Healthy Third Culture Kids” by Lauren Wells “Swirly” by Sara Saunders (A Children’s Book) “I Am Third, Volume II: Josiah Venture Kids and Their Journeys” by JV Kids “JV Third Culture Kids Deep Dive” qualitative research project (2019)
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Missionary Kids, Stories

How National School Prepared Me for College in My Passport Country

In May of 2013, I walked out of a very familiar gray building—my Czech high school—for the last time as a student. The relief of completing my final cumulative exams sunk in, and then a twinge of sadness washed over me as I realized that it wouldn’t be long now before I moved away from the place I called home. After growing up as a missionary kid in the Czech Republic my entire life, I was college-bound and moving to my “passport country.” Before college, I had never experienced formal education in English, my mother tongue. As a Third Culture Kid (TCK), the longest continuous stretch I spent in the States was three months. I sometimes wondered if I was behind my American peers when it came to college preparation, considering the differences in language and education systems. Many missionary kids (MKs) in Josiah Venture (JV) attend national schools here in Central and Eastern Europe. We learn all of our math, science, and grammar (among other subjects!) in our second languages, with a high focus on memorization over writing or creativity. Might these aspects of national schooling, among others, be a disadvantage to us in college? [IMAGE: https://www.josiahventure.com/assets/upload/userphotos/banners/MK_how-national-school-prepared-me_21-09-in-text1.jpg] Over the years, we’ve been surprised to find that most TCKs in JV—who go to national schools here in Central and Eastern Europe and then transition to college in North America—have thrived in their new academic settings. School in a second language can feel like a constant uphill battle. Yet, the Lord uses our experiences to prepare us, in unlikely ways, to navigate North American college academics. Every JV Kid has a unique story of their education. Here are four valuable lessons God taught me throughout my own education story that helped equip me to transition from national school to college in my passport country. [IMAGE: https://www.josiahventure.com/assets/upload/userphotos/banners/MK_how-national-school-prepared-me_21-09-in-text2.jpg] Adapting when I felt uncomfortable Czech school was all I knew before college, but it still managed to keep me on my toes constantly. I found myself guessing at how to respond to various cultural or academic situations. I didn’t always understand word problems in math class. I didn’t know what snacks I was supposed to bring on school trips (kids often brought potato salad and schnitzel sandwiches if anyone is wondering). When it came to Czech writing, my vocabulary never measured up. My only way to survive was by listening and observing, then adapting to any given situation. I spent my first semester of college figuring out the system of syllabi, learning the correct way to use citations, and navigating group projects. Each professor had different expectations in class, so I had to listen closely. The experiences of adjusting to new and unfamiliar situations in Czech school made this transition feel more natural than I would have expected. Receiving help and digging deeper to understand My parents did their best to help me with my schoolwork, but we didn’t always understand the assignments or materials in our second language. Because of this, I had a Czech tutor from second grade through my senior year of high school. Having a tutor was a lifesaver. Sometimes I felt embarrassed telling my Czech classmates that I had a tutor because it highlighted that I was different and needed help. At some point, though, the Lord softened my heart. The support of this tutor made it possible for me to make it through schooling in my second language. My tutor helped me study, understand homework questions, and practice my Czech grammar. However, his help had a far more significant impact on my life. He taught me a valuable skill — digging deeper to find answers to questions. My tutor had experience teaching history and Czech classes but was as confused as me about chemistry or biology. When I didn’t understand the material at school, we would spend an entire hour Googling explanations, comparing articles online with my textbooks, watching YouTube videos, and making sense of the subject matter. I learned to dig deeper to understand confusing concepts and words. I needed all of these skills in college. There were plenty of times when I didn’t understand assignments or concepts in my college classes. So, I did what I always did in Czech school — I asked for help and dug deeper. My older brother coached me through research papers, and my professors were always willing to clarify assignments or questions I had after class. I discussed challenging concepts from classes with my friends. And, yes, sometimes a Google search helped clarify things as well. [IMAGE: https://www.josiahventure.com/assets/upload/userphotos/banners/MK_how-national-school-prepared-me_21-09-in-text4.jpg] Memorizing information (lots of it!) Much of our national schooling system revolved around rote learning. This meant that I spent hours each week reading and re-reading my notes and textbooks to memorize dates, lists, and whole paragraphs of information. It was challenging in my second language, even though I spoke it fluently. While memorization is tedious, doing it often taught me how to approach memorization creatively. This skill came in handy in college while studying for exams. Most of my college education relied on critical thinking and understanding concepts and ideas. However, even college courses sometimes involve memorization. If I had to memorize a list of definitions or theories, I would feel strangely excited. While it could take hours to write an essay during my freshman year of college, memorization was one thing that felt familiar and came naturally to me, thanks to the national school in Czech. Relying on the Lord in my weakness National schooling was hard. If you ask TCKs in JV what the most stressful part of life is, they will almost always tell you that it’s school. I felt this way throughout my childhood as well. As a student, I didn’t always get a lot of heads up before our written and oral exams, so had to be prepared at all times. My parents prayed for me and with me for school since day one. The seemingly never-ending cycle of studying and exams caused a lot of stress in my life as a kid and teenager. That was tough. God showed his kindness in redeeming these difficult experiences by developing muscles in me that I ended up needing in college and even in life as an adult. I learned to run to the Lord when I felt pressure or anxiety. I knew I couldn’t handle everyday life on my own. [IMAGE: https://www.josiahventure.com/assets/upload/userphotos/banners/MK_how-national-school-prepared-me_21-09-in-text3.jpg] In the midst of national school, the Lord, in his grace, prepared me for college in many unexpected ways. And more importantly, I could see his mercy and compassion throughout the daily struggles of going to school in my second language. I am so thankful he walked with me every step of the way. From One TCK to Another While national school did prepare me for college in many ways, my parents also made some investments into our education that made a huge difference. I took an online English writing course for four years, read books in English at home, and had a tutor who helped me with Czech school. A foundation of English reading and writing was the most practical supplemental education I received. All together, these three supplements to my education gave me firm footing and much more confidence in preparation for college. Written by Claire Patty September 2021